Untitled. Aghast

Summer 2006

Oh wow. Been what...4 years? I mean, since my last post. I think it read 2020. But that shot above was 2006!! No connection. But not irrelevant. 😀

A LOT has happened. Some things am not really comfy disclosing. Some I could definitely talk about, lol. But I can't stop here for long. Just thought I'd drop by, after seeing the bookmarks I had on this computer. I thought ... I don't know. Feels nice to be writing again. 

Still. Next time. 

Oh, my youngest is now 16years old. Not yet an adult, but old enough to go home by himself after school. hahaha. No more school bus for him because sometimes he needs to stay at school after dismissal, to finish some projects, or just hang out with friends. Gosh. Pretty soon he'll be in college, staying in a dormitory or something...! *aghast*

Well. next time. I know. I already mentioned that above. 😂

 

Life Is Hard. Crazy. But.

Most of us have experienced being let down or been disappointed at some point. Nobody is immune from being disappointed, but we certainly have a choice how we react.

Don't be like me. I sometimes - well, honestly, most of the time - get defensive and reactive. Instead, I should just mull over it for a while...and, or do nothing. Because...

People react towards us based on their feelings. NEVER on how we feel. So, if someone intentionally or unintentionally did something specifically to me and it hurt, then I should just let it be. I mean, if that is how they want to treat me, then that is their decision. If that is their perception of me, then so be it. That doesn't mean that I will just do nothing, of course.

One thing that helps: boundaries.

I was taught this the hard way. I was too deeply immersed,  and hurting real bad because of the lying and cheating. I needed to distance myself. If regaining my peace meant staying away from certain persons, then... so be it.

It was hard at first. But now...my smiles are more genuine and heartfelt. Sometimes I still feel like I am not being my authentic self, but smiling (the physical act of smiling itself), helps. Big time.

I don't know why. Maybe I am slowly adjusting to my situation. Or maybe I am just crazy. Crazy in love with my life right now. There are still lots of ups and downs, that's for sure, but there is a certain "free-ness" about it, too. 💖

Staying Grateful Is A SuperPower

It's literally 6:09am right now, and I just arrived. From the outside, after bringing my son to school. They were supposed to be at school before 5:30am, and good thing we got there at around 5:18am.

Back then, I would have panicked. Unexpected things disturb me. So much that sometimes I'd obsess over that one little tiny itty-bitty thing over my mind and get all irritable and impossible the whole time. I must have caused havoc! It's a good thing real people who actually cared -and still care- for me put up with it! hahaha.

Anyway, walking home from my son's school, I decided at first to eat breakfast or stay somewhere and wait for the first mass. It was still too early and most of the shops were close...yup, even the pizza joint that said they were open 24 hours! Well, they were undergoing renovations, so I guess that's forgivable. Decided to buy pandesal and loaf instead, then walk the rest of the way home. There were tricycles, but walking is so much better. IMO, anyway.

Arriving home... everything's dark and quiet. Sat down. Saw the bluetooth speaker, and decided to listen to music. CHRISTMAS music. Peaceful, not the festive kind. ❤

And now you might be wondering: why that title?

Well, today is not my usual day, but I have learned that obsessing and overthinking over small stuffs will never do any good; to me or to anyone else. I stopped thinking about how things might go wrong (we will arrive late, my son will forget something, etcetera), and not a thing went wrong! In fact, our grab car fare was even Php0.00!

There are days when I find it hard being grateful, but when I really look into it: I have lots and lots of things to be grateful for; both the good and bad stuffs. I was just not looking in the right places.

Life, huh? Now, this post does not mean that I am in a forever state of being grateful! I know, I should, but I don't. I'm not there, yet. I hope I will, eventually.

I hope I will reach that state. One grateful day at a time, friends. 💟

How was 2019 for you?

Nativity scene at home ... and adding some digiscrapping stuffs which i seem to have accumulated years ago. 

Honestly, I must admit 2019 is the worst (for me). But it did show me who wanted to stay with me and my family. There's no denying the emotional turmoil we experienced, but at least now the mask has been removed. Now we see who is who. Who? 👉👈👇👆😁

No regrets here on my side. Now no more tiptoeing on eggshells, putting aside your wants just to satisfy someone else's, overthinking, and all that toxic stuffs. I actually breathed easier these past few months. Oh don't get me wrong: I still wish things are different, but. People make their own decisions and one I thing I also learned: NEVER CHASE PEOPLE. If they want to stay with you, they will. If not ... well. Let them go. Hoping that they will be happy where they want to go, and vice versa. 👍😊

Now, isn't that just full of Christmas cheer? lol. 😂

Enjoy the festivities, wherever in the world you are located! 🎅🎄🌟

The Little Things Matter. A Lot.

Taken today, while trying the DSLR {in other words, the HEAVY camera}. It needs some getting used to. Well, it has been years since I used it ... my eldest son used it quite a lot before. But now, it's just "staying over by the corner of the house" and I thought: "Why not use it again!"
Why, indeed not.

But as you can see, I am struggling getting the hang of using the heavy dslr again. Aside from the weight, the size of the camera is way different from my phone camera, too. Well, duh!

I must have made about 4 tries before the shot came out decent. Since I was using my macro lens, a slight wiggle of my arms would cause catastrophic ripples on the shot ... and that was what just happened. I think i should have posted here the failed shots, but I deleted those from the camera. {A way of erasing one's mistakes, I suppose. I wish it was easier in life. *sigh.} Next time I'll post those failed shots here, too. lol. 😄

But on to our journey, eh? Of getting back our true selves. The person that we want to be. Before life happened. 😁

Still continuing ... still living. And always feeling grateful. 💖

Autumn Is The Time Of Letting Go

"Every leaf speaks bliss to me, 

fluttering from the autumn tree."

- Emily Brontë

...shot taken last 20Oct2019.

Animal Monday ... moving on.

Another Monday.

And just like the kitten on the shot, we move on. Choosing to move on in spite of the anxieties and whatever-else-is-there-to-stop-you is always a good choice. Not that it is going to be easy. Not that just because you chose to move on, everyday will be cheery and sunny. {But we wish it were.}

Oh, by no means am I an expert in moving on. In fact, I have difficulties moving on. It has been years since I've been in my comfort zone. And believe me, I thought I would stay there forever. But life has it's own plan. That I have to accept. And own.

So for now, I choose to take itsy-little bits of steps to move on. Hard, but definitely doable.

I just wish our neighbor's music isn't so sad, though. Yup, their music is loud. Am used to it by now. 😁